Why Do I Bother Trying To Be Plural

Being plural is something that you are, but also something that you do. In a sense. You perform plurality, in the same way that you perform things like masculinity, femininity, etc. Doesn’t mean it’s fake, but. – I guess I just feel like the label is not beneficial right now? ‘Me’ and ‘Delta’ have been stuck in a subsystem and cofront for like… as long as this job has been going on. And we are tired. Well, maybe I’m just speaking for myself, and Delta isn’t. Who knows.

I just can’t help but feel like all of this is like… fake, and weird. It was easier when I was not commonly fronting. When you are a rare front you are ‘simple’. You have clearly defined personhood. You are the alter that does this thing. But when you front for a long period of time, you start to exist for long enough where you experience more of life, more inputs, more outputs. You start to lose that clearly defined boundary of self. Some may call this ‘host syndrome’ or something, but we don’t tend to fit into those typical plurality labels.

And this sort of wraps into the general feelings of ‘plurality imposter syndrome’ that affect every single system ever. So this is probably unoriginal thoughts and should be reserved for my therapist. But whatever.

The reason we use the label plurality is because it makes more sense to than not to. It fits a theory of self better. The theory is just being tested right now.